This is totally stupid. If you don’t have time to waste, don’t read this- it’s mostly meant to make me feel better for not making the right choices today. That’s right, I have no intention of entertaining you whatsoever.
The more I think about it, the more I convince myself that my plans for the day were ruined by the terribly spoiled and annoying child in me. So disgustingly demanding, it wanted a lollipop and it was not joking! So I thought, “What the hell, I’ll just quickly pop into the local shop, buy a few lollies and then get to painting as planned.” But no, of course it wasn’t that simple! Of course the local shop didn’t have the kind of lollipop that little Polina wanted! That’s why she dragged me around every single shop or supermarket within a kilometre’s radius, looking for this one little thing she was craving. She was ruthless and cruel throughout the hour long odyssey, just like the weather I was not dressed well enough for.
That’s why despite any efforts to revive my energy and get some work done, I’m not feeling well now and might get sick. Because of a stupid lollipop! OK, four lollipops…
From stepping on feces to losing your life or mental sanity- you might like to know it’s not just the clouds you’re sticking your head into…
Yesterday, as I was on my way to the market, listened to one of my favourite Ramones songs on my mp3 player and happily daydreamt of playing bass guitar in a punk band, I nearly got hit by a car. Later on, I forgot to buy a few things from my shopping list, stepped on a you-know-what, a cyclist swore at me for getting in his way and another car almost hit me. Then it occurred to me that except being more absent-minded than usual, I was also lucky to have made it back home without a scratch. However, these are the most obvious examples of how frequent and excessive daydreaming can turn your life into a nightmare…
What if, for example, you are unhappy for whatever reason(s) and start finding temporary escape from your misery in daydreaming? Some people use drugs for that, then face their consequences but so do daydreamers, in their own way. If you have a strong, vivid imagination, you would, in ideal circumstances, create your own world and start living in it without ever having to go back to reality again. But if you can’t get away with it like Salvador Dali did for example, you either have to stop daydreaming or learn how to switch between the two worlds. The second option is what I choose, but I recently realised that it could be just as harmful to my psyche as smoking is to my physical health, if not more. Why? Because the more time you spend in a beautiful happy fictional universe, the bigger the disappointment from leaving it, depending on how sensitive you are and how much baggage you’re carrying. And of course, the more unhappy you become as you get older and the more you want to kill yourself after each time life beats you up and leaves you in the dirt of despair.
Turns out that thoughts really are more powerful than we normally tend to give them credit for… Confused? Good. 🙂
One of my favourite things in the world is to take nice long walks on my own, as far from human presence as possible. Not only I like walks but as it turned out recently, I absolutely need to take them regularly in order to not go completely insane.
So today I decided to take another one of my traditional walks of solitude. The weather didn’t seem very inviting through the window but the more time I spent walking and looking around, the more I convinced myself how absolutely perfect it was. What’s so perfect about a cloudy winter day? First of all, there is something about the lack of the brutal light of a sunny day that makes all colours extraordinarily beautiful even though that might not be evident in the amateur photographs I took. I must admit, I am a huge fan of ‘dirty’ colours- the ones that cause confusion and make you wonder what exactly they are. And second, gloomy weather keeps people away from the park- I can have it almost entirely to myself and enjoy a much needed, private experience of looking at and photographing things without any screaming children or heavy-breathing joggers ruining the whole thing! Having said that, I will most certainly give my best to make the most of this soft and dry winter weather before it’s gone.
And here are some photos:
The breakwater in my hometown- one of my favourite places. I saw some amazingly beautiful splashes today but unfortunately didn’t have the nerve or battery to sit and wait for the perfect wave, so this is the best I could get.
Me-oh-my, I found myself a mussel!
I could swear they tasted so much better when I was a kid!
At the end of my walk, I saw what first looked like a dead pigeon. Now I think it’s another species because the beak doesn’t look very pigeon-like. Anyway, when I first saw the dead bird, I got upset as I usually do when I see a dead animal just lying there, especially a pigeon- I seem to have a great fondness for them. I reminded myself that the last time I saw one I was so devastated, I picked it up from the pavement and buried it in the nearest backyard I could find. Ironically, I also remembered thinking of that pigeon recently and regreting I didn’t have the chance to photograph and eventually paint it later. If I were arrogant enough, I would think that this bird had died just for me. But since I’m not, let’s just call this a second chance. 😉
… today I randomly thought, “Wouldn’t it be cool if I blogged about stuff?” Well, you are about to see…
If you ever wondered what’s inside the mind of a troubled young artist, then be my guest and visit this page as often as you please. But don’t hold me responsible if your expectations weren’t met and you spilled a drink over your brand new keyboard after you passed out while reading my blog!